It was just bonkers, old chap. There I was taking the personal details of about half a million people on this laptop to the West Midlands. Why I had it when I am just a junior officer is a mystery even to myself. Guard it with your life, said the commandant. Anyway, I locked up the car while I went for a lunchtime snifter in Birmingham. Safe enough, I thought. After all, they said the info is all duplicated elsewhere. I come back later and I find the jolly old car has been broken into. The jolly old laptop had been snaffled. Well, what was one to do?
‘Hullo Benedict, this is Cedric. Guess what, some oik has stolen that laptop – yeah, that’s right, the silver one with all those names on it. It is alright, isn’t it? You have a copy of it all, yes? Er, say again? Bank details, what 3,500 bank details? Passport details, too? Oh yes, forgot about that, old boy. Oh, yikes. Does this mean I may be in trouble, old thing? Father will be most displeased.’
Why was a device with that kind of sensitive – even explosive – information on it not password-protected, encrypted and attached to the officer’s wrist by a clunking great brass chain? Why was the Hurray Henry allowed to leave it unattended in his car? Why were there not two people at all times with the machine?
No, do not talk to me about hindsight being wonderful. It had 600,000 sets of personal details on it. That is exactly what should have happened. That it did not is incompetence, buffoonery and cretinous negligence.
The stolen laptop episode shows again how this government has a serious problem keeping potentially-sensitive data secret. It is not a priority any more. There are obviously few messages coming from on high. This is just the latest in a string of utterly preventable potential catastrophes.
In November, Revenue and Customs said they had lost details of 25 million claimants and since then 6,000 Northern Ireland drivers’ details also vanished. Then another three million drivers’ details were lost. Then, just before Christmas, medical records were confirmed missing at nine NHS trusts. The list goes on. This laptop had home addresses, bank details, national insurance and NHS numbers and even passport details of hundreds of thousands of people. Just about all you need if causing a national epidemic of identity theft takes your fancy.
Serving members of the Royal Navy, Royal Marines and RAF will be the most at risk of potential fraud . That is because all their details are on there. Only Army details were not on it so only our gallant squaddies can rest easier in their beds. Our hero matelots and brave Brylcreem boys should resume fretting – at the double. The pea-brained officer is now facing a court martial. But that should not be the end of it. Why were there no safeguards in place to prevent such potentially ruinous information being wheeled about and left in cars by irresponsible junior personnel?
Des Browne, the defence secretary, will make a statement to the Commons early next week but will he explain the negligence all the way up the line that allowed this appalling incident to happen? It would not be right for only the junior officer to face the wrath of a whiskery court martial. He should have been subject to a protocol that would not allow it to happen in the first place.
The MoD now says it is writing to the 3,500 people whose bank details were known to have been included on the missing laptop. The note should say ‘Sorry and rest assured we will declare the dozy officer and the five senior people above him surplus to requirements.’ That, at least, would help focus minds in other departments on the consequences if they do not take data protection seriously.
