JOB VACANCY
The Western Isles electorate is seeking to recruit an individual to serve as their Member of Parliament for a period of five years. Current annual salary is £68,000 plus expenses.
Once elected, the successful candidate’s main duties will be to create much ill-feeling and resentment between the Scots and English peoples through continually asserting that the London-based UK government is responsible for every ill, real and imagined, affecting the Western Isles. They will also be required to assist their parliamentary superior, Mr Salmond, by massaging his weighty ego and licking his substantial posterior.
A current driving licence is not a requirement for this employment: all travel expenses, including air fares, taxis and replacement bicycle chains will be refunded by a generous UK taxpayer. Opportunities may also arise for the successful candidate to make some easy money in the London property market, once again funded by the UK taxpayers’ generosity.
Previous experience in communicating through the Icelandic language would be a preferable though not essential qualification, as free training will be provided by the UK taxpayer.
The ideal candidate must also have a proven track record as a highly-proficient bulls*****r (more politely described as a frequent tweeter) and accomplished freeloader. A self-assured arrogant nature would be a distinct advantage, as would the bearing of a confident public speaker – even if only to show their own ignorance and prejudices.
Black, Irish and Labour Party candidates need not apply for this position.
CVs to be forwarded by April 10th for May 7th commencement of employment.
Compiled and contributed by Iain M Macdonald
Does one detect a teeny-weeny gripe…?
Hopefully there will be enough people with gigantic gripes on May the 7th to go out and vote against the menace that is Angus Brendan MacNeil.
A typical article by a member of the London Labour Party (Scottish Branch). Their policies consist of criticizing the SNP, but never coming out with either constructive criticism or actual policies of their own. I suppose their attitude is understandable in that if their London HQ doesn’t tell them what to say they are left with no choice other than to spout infantile garbage.
Incidentally, I am not, and never have been a member of any political party or organization.
If Angus wins it will only because Alasdair Morrison failed to do enough to win people over…
It’s time Alasdair rallied the troops and started to canvass door to door…
No doubt the SNP already have a plan on how to get their vote out….and they seem to pretty good at it….time for labour to use the same tactics….
Guga, no one is pulling my political strings,least of all the Labour Party.
Come May 7th ,I’ll be voting for the man first and fourmost, rather than for any political party he attaches himself to. This is a proud tradition of the Western Isles that has resulted in my voting in the past for both Donald Stewart and Calum Macdonald ,who were both excellent MP’s in comparison to the present one we’re lumbered with.
The only alternative is to cast your vote purely on the basis of a slavish allegiance to a particular party.
Leave it I M M Guga is stuck in a world of Rob Roy and Bill Wallace – a closet Tartan Tory really
Firstly, I am not a “Tartan Tory”. If I was I would assuredly vote for the London Labour Party (a.k.a. the Red Tories) or I would vote for the London Tory Party (a.k.a. the Blue Tories).
Secondly, whilst I believe that Scotland should regain its independence, I have no intention of voting for a useless MP (of any party), which is why I will not be voting for MacNeil.
Enticing Guga out of his oily,feather-strewn closet is a small victory in itself.
I would reply “eat me”, but you probably would.
looking forward to hearing that Brendan has donated several large donations to deserving causes with the extra money that he was forced to take.Should l provision the emergency food rations in preparation for a long wait to e4ternity???,or will l be proved wrong(it would be nice in this case)
A mouth-watering invitation indeed from Guga, which I would find hard to resist were he accompanied by a selection of machair-grown new potatoes drenched in a slowly melting knob of butter and washed down with a glass of cold semi-skimmed milk.