… my kingdom for a horse – LETTER

Miavaig
Isle of Lewis

 

Dear Editor

Was it really necessary for the local Western Isles SNP membership to have bothered selecting a human candidate (Alasdair Allan) to contest the next Holyrood election when all that is required of a nationalist MSP is an instinctive nod of approval at everything said and done by the SNP hierachy?

The local party could just as easily have chosen one of the docile and obedient horses or ponies who are regularly corralled at the Lochside Arena on Lewis where they are put through their paces and kept under a tight rein by earnest, whip-wielding young ladies attired in white riding breeches. With the owner’s permission, an SNP rosette could have horsebeen attached to the neck of any of these equine candidates, who would assuredly have cantered to electoral victory in what is effectively now a Scottish one-party nationalist state where all opposition has been sidelined.

Even if all the Lochside owners were unwilling to allow their horses to become political animals, all is not lost for the local SNP. I believe the comhairle are presently looking for an alternative home for a horse currently in their care on which they are spending more in fodder and lodgings than their spendthrift convenor’s annual expenses. With a complete makeover and some veterinary attention, this old grey nag could be made just as electable as the younger-type filly (Nicola Sturgeon), now preferred over the bloated stallion of old (Alex Salmond) by the typical Hebridean SNP voter.

Another advantage for the SNP in electing a horse would be the complete elimination of any likely criticism that may have been directed at them by a discontented or rebellious Western Isles MSP. A dumb animal could, in return for a lump of sugar-coated promises, be relied on to snort in agreement with everything uttered by Nicola, the dominant mare in the Holyrood stable.

Yet another advantage for the Western Isles in this radical departure from normal convention would be a boost to the struggling weather-beaten Hebridean tourism sector. These islands would become an attractive and desirable destination for the many followers and admirers of a noble equine tradition, whose curiosity would be sufficiently aroused to pay a visit to a community who elected a horse as their parliamentary representative. Another missed opportunity!

Surely any alternative is preferable to the profoundly depressing prospect of yet another five years of Alasdair Allan’s unremarkable and tediously predictable parliamentary representation, which never deviates from the will of his Holyrood SNP masters. Please God, neigh, neigh and thrice neigh! (With apologies to the late Frankie Howard, and to no one else.)

Yours faithfully

Iain M Macdonald

PS – I’m rather honoured this week to have joined the very select literary company of both Professor Donald Macleod and Brian Wilson, whose writings have also been rejected by the West Highland Free Press. I must be doing something right!

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2 Responses to … my kingdom for a horse – LETTER

  1. IMM,presumably your slating of the SNP,is a grasping opportunistic attempt to promote that broken down old nag that is Scottish labour.In order to compete at the races,you first need to turn up–non runner is the term you seek.As for “the bloated Stallion”,what does it say when without breaking sweat he can outrun the donkeys that pass for leadership in Labour.Unsurprisingly then,all you have left is the arsenal of sticks and stones leftover from the last capitulation,sorry Election

  2. Tim says:

    Isn’t it funny how democratic processes become undemocratic when they don’t go your way?

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