As well as lining the stomach for a night out, doctors now say porridge is also the best thing to take for high blood pressure. I think everyone in Barra should have a few bowls every day. How else can they cope with news that our council is threatening their air link to save a mere £200,000?
That beach landing gets me every time. That curious mix of fear and exhilaration as the Twin Otter twists and turns approaching the Traigh Mhor, and I look down and see the waves coming closer and closer, could be no more. 
A strangulated gasp escapes me as the vulcanised rubber thumps the rippled shells and bounces back up again. That could all be a thing of the past. Still, I won’t have to worry about such big laundry bills either.
The residents of St Barr’s island are not to be trifled with. They are a determined lot. One of them is just off the phone. He says while there has to be pain, it must be shared equally by everyone in the chain of islands. Good point.
If the Barra air service is cut, he insists, so must the one from Stornoway, from the Uists and from Harris. Er? Oh, I get your point. No point in splitting hairs at this point. Planes have landed on the sands at Northton in the past. Patrols must be mounted immediately to stop that happening again.
We are all getting more militant. It’s not just those smelly students who gave the lovely Camilla and her escort such a frightful moment the other evening. Barrachs have long been better at revolting than us mild-mannered northeners. I bet it won’t be long before we see Voluntary Action Barra and Vatersay organising demonstrations at Stornoway Airport.
Airport protests are controversial but they can be effective. There were ones in London, Manchester and other places by a dedicated action group. I wish I could remember that group’s name. Maybe VABV could join up with them they could all work together under the banner of the protest group. Oh, I remember now what it was called. It was Plane Stupid. Yeah, that was it.
Actually, on second thoughts, maybe they should just keep the name Voluntary Action Barra and Vatersay. That sounds just fine.
Loganair has also made deep and far-reaching changes to the services from Stornoway and Benbecula. They are stopping the free drams. I must admit I had a few scoops of porridge when I heard that news. Not being blessed with the dashing good looks of our island’s frequent flyers like the councillors Angus Campbell and Alex Macdonald, I do sometimes struggle to get the attention of dolly birds at the best of times.
Yet the stewardesses on the Stornoway to Glasgow route seem a particularly fine bunch. When I have slipped them my best raised-eyebrow Roger Moore look, as if to ask if they have anything on that trolley that will excite me, they have been known to slip me an extra Vat 69 on occasion.
What is going to be the point of flying any more if you can’t make a toast with your plastic beaker while peering down over southernmost Skye? What wonderful sights you can see. The shimmering, blue-green beauty of Loch Alsh, the towering majesty of the Skye Bridge and the distressed puff-puffs from the pride of our nuclear submarine fleet rammed hard on to a shingle bank while being rammed amidships by a rescue tug.
That was a few weeks ago. Now I hear, after £7million worth of repairs, the submarine HMS Astute, which is loaded with Tomahawk cruise missiles, is bust again. Blimey.
Of course, I blame the Scottish Government. In the middle of all our transport worries, the minister responsible for getting us from point A to point B goes and jacks it all in. What use is that?
If Stewart Stevenson, who is actually a member of the Institute of Advanced Motorists (IAM), is going to throw in the towel when he gets a bit of flak over ignoring a weather forecast and not putting out a few snowploughs, what would have happen when the campaign to save an entire island’s air service gets going? He should have taken more porridge.
Could he have withstood criticism from my new Save Our Drams In Transportation (SODIT) campaign? You don’t have to be a paid-up member of the fledgling Institute of Thirsty Air Passengers. But it helps.
Obviously, Alex Salmond was looking for a transport minister who knows these issues. He needed a minister who knows the islands and how ill-thought out decisions can make our lives difficult. And what else was Alasdair Allan, our MSP, doing with his time anyway?
Just one thing stopped him getting the job though. I’ve never known Alasdair to take a dram. How could you have a government minister tackling the ban on drams in the air who had no experience himself of the joys of supping while airborne?
Alasdair, for the sake of your parliamentary career, change your life. I am not saying become a lush like everyone in the Labour Party. The occasional swift half on birthdays, holidays, away days and any days should suffice.
So Salmond sensibly went and appointed Keith Brown, a Falklands War veteran from down Stirling way, to take over. Never heard of him, I hear you say. Me neither but, as stuffed-up politicians often declare, I welcome the appointment. And I’ll tell you why. I looked up his register of interests.
As a politician, he has been to various booze-related events and accepted, in the honourable tradition of Winston Churchill before him, a bottle or two here and there. The very man. I have high hopes for this fellow.
You know, I suspect it won’t be long before Brown comes up here and us ex-military types get together over a wee dram. He’d better have a good bowl of porridge first though.
