Why Charles and Camilla are not marking their decade in Point – column

Who can believe Prince Charles will tomorrow have been married to Camilla for a decade? Does anyone else feel it was just a couple of years back we were all wondering if she would ever get used to his family’s stuffy ways. April 2005, was it? She seems to have made good use of the time though. Back then, only seven per cent of people in the UK thought Camilla should one day be Queen.

Now things have really changed. Surveys now show almost half of us are in favour of Queen Camilla when mum thinks Charles is old enough to take the big seat. Being no royalist, I think the whole institution is outdated to say nothing of a waste of money but Camilla has done no bad for herself in the eyes of a nation madly in love with the former Queen of Hearts.

Various reasons point to Charles acceding to the throne in late summer. On September 10, Her Maj will have been on the throne for 63 years and 217 days. So that? Well, on that day she will have gone one better than dear old Queen Victoria and she will become the longest reigning British monarch. Could Charles and Camilla be keeping their diaries clear in case in case they are asked to take over the reins and reign?

They could well be busy later in the year and it was by accident I heard about the upcoming wedding anniversary because someone let slip they had pencilled in a trip to the Western Isles to mark the occasion.

Ten years, eh? Well well. This is where I go all mawkishly sentimental and very glad that you can’t see me rubbing my eyes because I have grit in them, obviously. Old Father Time must have quickened his pace if there is a decade since then. It’s at times like this we realise we are all getting old. We pause and we sigh. It reminds me of a wonderful line from The Second Best Marigold Hotel about being nearer the menopause than the mortuary.

Meno … what? Asking a passing female friend what it actually meant – you know, in plain words that even a cove can understand, she merely guffawed and said not to worry as it didn’t apply to me. OK. Wait. Er, which bit? The menopause or the bit about being nearer the mortuary? Oh, she must have gone deaf. She’s has gone off giggling. Eek, now I really am worried.

The flashing light at Tiumpan Head

I was telling you about Charles and Camilla’s plan to come up to the islands for a wee get-away-from-it-all break. HRH thought it would be jolly fine to take a couple of deckchairs and plonk them near Tiumpan Head lighthouse. That whitewashed winker stands at the furthermost point of the east of Lewis peninsula called, er, Point. They would get out the old opera glasses and do a bit of whale and dolphin watching.

You can just imagine them with the picnic spread out beside them. Charles’s sight is not so good, he has admitted. He would sit bolt upright and grab the binocs shouting: “By jove, that’s a big one.” Camilla would snort: “I don’t think so – not with Loch Seaforth written on the side. Hullo, sailors.”

Tiumpan is a really cool spot to see unusual happenings on land and sea – day and night. All kinds of sea mammals can be seen gliding effortlessly through the waves from atop the promontory before the lighthouse. On land, at night, one can spot birds. Not fowl, they are merely the lovebirds who use that turning point as an unofficial lovers’ lane. We did so ourselves back in our courting days although, if I remember right, the only flash I got was from that flicking lighthouse.

She was well up for it. Camilla I mean, not Mrs X. The duchess thought spotting porpoises and dolphins would be spiffing and the guys and gals of one of these sea mammal societies went into overdrive. They were all set to dig out well-padded deckchairs, sandwiches and flasks of tea – all the gubbins for hours of fun, er, staring out to sea. However, I regret I have to report the trip is now off after discussions about a present for the royal pair.

When Clarence House asked what presents they would like to give, they suggested Harris Tweed, whisky and a bootload of Stornoway Black Pudding. That would be most acceptable. And what would they propose to give Camilla, they wondered? Maybe it was a bad phone line or something but sadly they offered something Camilla must have thought she already had. Prints of whales.