Will you all please stop bothering me on the telephone line and realise that I am now slightly too devoid of the stamina required to become the MP although I do accept that I am the most experienced but I am not sure my stomach and my knees could stand all the rich food and young women that go with the job as secretaries of course just because the present fellow from Barra is not bothered about doing anything which of course is what most of us want him to do to get us our freedom and nothing else.

I hear he is to be replaced which is a pity because then you might get somebody who will do something about fuel which is not what we want for a Free Scotland balance of payments and GDP. But however I hear your pleas and I suggest you find someone who looks and not necessary speaks like Donald because I could soon teach that and the very man is that troublemaker fuel fellow Callum Iain Macmillan who follows a fine lineage with his uncle an MP on the wrong side before Donald, and his grandfather the Prime Minister Harold (Macmillan NOT Wilson) on the right side all he needs is to change his name and get grey now that he has developed pluicean suitable for the job and also he is from Stornoway like Donald but not a mill owner.

Alex is still not speaking to me this week, still in a rage because I suggested he step aside on the grounds that Nicola is much more popular and you cannot have two people with fishy names in charge after 2014 its coming yet for all that and he already has too many people with funny names in his cupboard Paul Wheelbarrow and Ricky Blockhead who sounds like a pop singer.

We need more people like Neil Alex who is doing so well at health messing up the figures but I have given up my ambition that Big Alex would win the 100 meters next year because he will insist on four square meals a day and long lingering lunches and cozy suppers at Bute House which some very uncivil servants are calling “Brute House” very funny until I catch them although they gave a good blow for freedom this week when they put the Raasay crofters in their place and gave people from south of the border the right to shoot them.

Meanwhile I see from the Hebrew News that the MSP is willing to do anything for anyone in Eriskay so come here and turf my peats I cannot trust him to cut them because he sent me a picture last year where he was holding the wrong end of the tarisgeir and shoes.

Lochie